In the Spirit of Health

Breast Cancer Journey Then and Now

 In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month - by Laurie Mazzarella

In 1994, I was diagnosed with Stage 2 breast cancer.  I share the next two posts as part of the journey through breast cancer and the passage of time.  One story was written eighteen months after diagnosis and the other is current, more than 20 years after diagnosis. I publish these posts as an act of service to anyone who is going through breast cancer or has a friend or relative that is. Cancer is a scary diagnosis. Hopefully, these articles and other survivor stories will ease the sting. We have been there and hope to be a little bit of the light on your path through it.

I have posted the following as the article appeared in the New Mexico Breast Cancer Coalition’s newsletter in 1995. The second article on my current view will be posted in the next few days.

 

Woman Tells Personal Story

The following story was written by Laurie Mazzarella. Laurie

is a volunteer in the YMCA of Albuquerque’s ENCOREplus program.

The ENCOREplus program provides support to women

during all stages of breast cancer detection and treatment.

 

Breast cancer does not run in my family. I had been doing regular breast self-examination for years. When I noticed a solid mass in my right breast that felt different, I was concerned. I made an appointment with my gynecologist to have it checked. She suggested getting a biopsy and sent me to a surgeon who made the diagnosis of breast cancer.

As I was told my diagnosis, I could hardly comprehend it. I felt numb and unable to respond. As I left the doctor’s office, I made my way to the lobby of the medical building. I phoned a friend from one of the pay phones there. That’s when I broke down and cried as I told her about the cancer. I listened to my friend’s encouraging words as I doubled up sobbing. She suggested that I begin a fact finding mission, so I could make wise decisions about my future. I did not want to do anything. I did not feel capable. However, I knew that she was right. I needed to start gathering information.

Over the next few days, I read all that I could find on breast cancer and surgical options for my type of cancer. Fortunately, it had been detected early enough that the tumor was still small, so a lumpectomy was a viable option. I chose to do this breast conserving surgery. For the next couple of weeks as I waited for surgery, I walked around in a fog. I continued to read whatever I could on breast cancer, but I felt like I was in someone else’s bad dream. This couldn’t be happening to me. I was too young, I had too many other things to do. I felt alone.

One of my doctors suggested that I call a group of women who had had breast cancer and were now helping others who had just been diagnosed with the disease. Hesitant to reach out, but not able to deal with feeling so alone, I called them one day. I am glad I did. Reaching out put me in contact with a number of women who had been through cancer treatment and surgery. The fear started to subside as others spoke to me about how they felt and how they coped through breast cancer. I didn’t feel as alone. Their stories and their prayers gave me hope.

Today, I look back and am grateful that I had been doing breast self-examination so regularly. My cancer was caught early and my prognosis is good. Although, I have cried many, many times over the past eighteen months through surgery, chemotherapy and radiation, I thank God I am alive. Life is truly a gift.

 

Think About It

by Laurie Mazzarella

Recently, I saw a special on TV about an American woman who has been bringing foreign children who have been seriously injured in war torn countries to the US for reconstructive surgery for a number of years. I was very touched by this story and the children's lives that were truly being restored, at least physically, after such trauma that only weapons of war can produce. Below are a couple of poems that I found in my files that I wrote years ago about different wars in different countries than the ones we are involved with today. The message has not changed!

War Child

Crossfire

Caught in the crossfire

Young child

Innocent life

caught in the fire,

the gunfire,

the war,

the hatred,

the greed,

Innocent child

New life

caught

Trapped in the crossfire

with nowhere to run

but from the guns,

the madness,

the war

Child

caught

Running wild

Child

Innocence

caught in the crossfire

by Laurie Mazzarella

 

Our Children Are Dying

Please listen

Our children are dying

Please listen

Our fields are burning

Father's been shot

Mama's weeping

Children scared

No crops growing

No food for supper

Please listen

Our children are dying

They're hungry

afraid

alone

and too often dead

Can't anyone see

it isn't their fault?

Yet, money speaks louder

Power louder still

as our cries are muffled

beneath the din of greed

Still we plead

Please listen

Our fields are burning

Our children are dying

Please stop the guns

the hate

the war

Can't anyone hear

over the noise of power?

Doesn't anyone care

in the face of more wealth?

That our children are dying

Your children are dying

We're killing the children

Please listen

by Laurie Mazzarella

Lighten Up the Season with Happiness

by Laurie Mazzarella

A couple of years ago, I had the opportunity to read a wonderful book by physician assistant and author, Blair Lewis. I had been thinking, searching and writing a lot about what happiness means to me and how I measure my happiness factor. Blair Lewis’ book, “Happiness the Real Medicine and How It Works” captured the essence of my search. He writes about how “happiness is our inherent nature”. It is inside each and every one of us! What then, keeps us from experiencing it fully?

Many of us search for happiness passionately. As a species, we invest a lot of time and money seeking it out. Whether we call it bliss, enlightenment or joy, we all want it, and we want more of it. Mr. Lewis’ book enlightens us to specific traits that happy people have. He also informs us of what specific blocks most of us have to experiencing these traits. Blair Lewis goes further by giving us specific natural tools that can help assist us through our blocks to happiness.

Blair Lewis takes us through his own journey towards happiness and shares a path that I expect most of us can personally relate to. Through his account, I was able to give structure to my own search. Additionally, since Mr. Lewis is a medical professional, he highlights the importance of happiness and its effect on the physical as well as mental and spiritual level. Holistic happiness! How much better does it get?

If you are interested in pursuing happiness or are wondering if you are happy at all, please read Blair Lewis’ book. It is inspiring, insightful and is sure to increase your happiness factor. If you know someone else who needs a little lightening up around this time of year, turn them on.

Start enjoying the light of the season. Look at the holiday lights. Enjoy the inspiration they bring and read this book. It will lighten up your search for true happiness.

Happy Holidays!

Loss, Grief and Changing Your Life

by Laurie Mazzarella

Letting Go and Moving On to New Opportunities

My heart has been heavy lately. I have let go of a lot of things in the past several years of my life. I continue to go through the grieving process, and I move forward. After the tears, the acceptance, the hope in my new situation, I am beginning to see new growth. But, it has been a painful ride getting here. By sharing my story of letting go, moving on and embracing change, I hope to inspire those of you who are going through loss (and thus change) whether it be job loss, marriage break up, foreclosure or anything that has forced you through painful change.

Because things are the way they are, things will not stay the way they are.
-Bertold Brecht

Things change all the time. We have the seasons that change. We change our minds, our jobs, our living space. Some of us reinvent ourselves, move away from home or decide to change careers. Of course, there are other changes like divorce, being let go from a job or loss of a loved one. All change requires that we let go of what we have become very accustomed to and leap, whether it be by choice or not, into territory unknown. We need to say goodbye to the familiar and hello to the new adventure. We suffer loss and grow as a result.

Saying goodbye to what we think provides us with comfort can be painful, but if we let ourselves move through the grieving process, it will be productive and we will change. There are at least five stages to the grieving process, and, actually, I have read models that use seven. Even though there is not a set pattern or order for any of these stages, it seems that most of us go through all of them at one time or another. So, if you are in a situation where everything is changing in your life and you are angry and depressed, it does not mean that you have skipped denial or bargaining, it just means that you are going through those stages first. Also, there isn’t any type of timeline for the stages of grief, everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. Below, is a list of the stages.

5 Stages of Grief
1. Denial – This can’t be happening. Not accepting the loss/change
2. Anger – Blaming the situation or loss on ourselves or others
3. Bargaining – This stage finds us trying to delay the inevitable loss
4. Depression – Realizing the loss is realty and feeling powerless. May withdraw
5. Acceptance – It has happened. You can move forward from here

Even though, I rarely write about my personal life in my blog, I am going to share some things and how they relate to the grieving process and change. Two years ago I lost my father. Six months later, my boyfriend passed away. Several months later, a cockatiel that I had for 14 years was killed by two dogs. In the midst of all of this, I moved back to California after living out of state of 26 years. Not only did I lose people and pets close to me, I lost a particular lifestyle, career and familiarity that I had built up over 2 decades. When all of this was happening, I was in shock!! I did not want to deal with any of this. It was too overwhelming. I became numb with disbelief which was the denial stage.

Next, I blamed the loss of my boyfriend on his ex-wife and even myself for somehow not being able to forestall his death. Of course, none of this was really rational. I just needed something or someone to blame. I blamed the loss of my familiar living situation on the circumstances presented by moving from a smaller city back to a big city which I found difficult to deal with. The traffic was unmanageable. Dating was awful. My living space was too small. I was frustrated, critical of my new life and longed for my former situation which, of course, did not exist anymore. This was definitely the anger stage.

I did not readily let go of my ties to the state I had lived in for 20 years. I am only now, 2 years later, transferring my auto license and insurance to CA. I kept a “sometime” residence in my former state in case I just couldn’t move on. I had one foot in the past and one foot in the present not being able to fully let go and move on. This was bargaining.

Off and on for the last two years, I felt really down. I kept to myself a lot. Usually, a very social person, I found myself pulling inward, crying and not being very motivated. I was processing a lot and seemed to need the space to let things unfold and face the reality that two very important people in my life were gone, my dear bird was also gone and my life had changed radically. This time of sadness and withdrawal was the depression stage.

Finally, a hard look at the reality of my situation has forced me to accept the loss in my life, move forward, adapt and change. Only when I was able to fully let go of my life as it was, could I move on and open up to what life had in store for me. With every ending, a new beginning happens, and this means opportunity. Having been in a very high stress career before, I now find myself teaching yoga and enjoying it. I have reconnected with old friends and made some wonderful new ones. I am not totally “there”, but I feel like a new chapter has opened up in my life. The heaviness in my heart still appears now and then, but for the most part has lifted, so that I can truly see the light of change.

If your heart is heavy with loss and you are trying to make sense of your life and all the change, allow yourself to go through the stages of grief. Nurture yourself along the way and know that there is always light at the end of the dark tunnel and the change that is waiting for you can be a much brighter, more hopeful way of life. So, let go, trust that there will be a new beginning, and in your own time, move forward.